I Have Half a Mind to RAVISH you?
by wrongturn
Summary: Harry & Draco's subconscious's are getting fed up with sitting on the sidelines. They've replicated the two boys and now we have the fake Harry and Draco running around ravishing eachother in public and clashing with the real ones! Trouble and surprise!
1. Harry's LYING!

Disclaimer: Why do we even WRITE disclaimers anyway??! 

a/n: Hi. Mmmm. Harry and Draco's subconsious are getting fed up with sitting on the sidelines. They've replicated the two boys and now we have the fake Harry and Draco running around ravishing eachother in public. I've never read a story like this, so hopefully its not done to death... and yeah. Slash, if you haven't guessed. SLASH. (Just incase you missed that.) SLASH!!! Ha ha! Slash rocks. 

**I Have Half a Mind To...! RAVISH you??!**

The long stretch of November rain had long ago drawn to a close and now the rough winds of a chilly December were in full force. Hogwarts was lit with its many torches lining the walls, although the dungeon's were perhaps even colder than ever. 

Albeit, that information is meaningless because Harry Potter was curled up in an over stuffed chintz arm chair inside in the Gryffindor common oblivious to any of the happenings outside the portrait hole, but you're being told anyway. Hush, child. 

Small groups of Gryffindor's were lolling about the large cheerful room, chatting idly amongst themselves, or dozing fitfully. 

Harry's Divination homework was spread on his lap, there was an immense feeling of serenity he had not felt in ages, and the fire was crackling merrily in front of him warming his feet. 

Harry had been sitting in a unusual good mood while snow caked and rattled the windows, sipping on hot-chocolate Dobby had brought him in light of the festive season. 

But then Ron's stumbled through the portrait ashen-face behind his freckles. 

'YOU!' Ron screamed rushing over. Hermione dropped through after Ron, panting heavily. She hurried over and stood next to Ron, who amazed Harry by staring disgustedly down at him. 

'HARRY!' 

The warm smile Harry had given Ron at first turned into a mask of confusion. 

'How did you get here so fast?' 

'Get here?' he asked Hermione unsurely, his eyebrows meeting in the middle. 'I was here when you left.' 

'What? Harry, what are you saying?' 

'Hermione, I don't even _like_ chess. If you're saying I touched his set, I _haven't_. I've been here all along. Ask Dennis. He's been guarding it like Ron told him to.' 

'You mean...' Hermione frowned enough for both of them. 'Does that mean you mean you haven't left your seat?' 

Ron tittered angrily by her shoulder as if forcing himself not to bark a vicious insult he'd regret later. At that thought Harry dropped the glare for a more neutral look and turned back to Hermione and sighed. 'If Ron's implying I have harmed his precious chess set, I'll have you know I haven't left my chair since you left.' 

'LIAR!' Ron accused. 

A frown line not unlike Lupin's appeared between Harry's eyebrows and he looked between both of their pale faces, vaguely wondering what could have shocked them into looking like that. 

'Ron!' Hermione scolded, holding up a hand. 'Just listen to what he's saying! Harry, you mean to say you were here on your own?' 

'Well… er, _Dobby_ brought me some hot chocolate?' 

Ron and Hermione exchanged glances that Harry didn't miss. He was still confused, and slightly annoyed Ron had called him a liar. 

Harry rubbed his knuckles, at loss at anything to do while Ron towered over him, and Hermione hung back awkwardly. 

'So you weren't doin' anything in the charms hallway a few minutes ago?' 

'No, Hermione. In fact I was immensely enjoying myself wondering which was the best way to die on a Tuesday.' 

Harry rolled his eyes, pushed his homework off his lap so he had their full attention. He'd decide whether a cauldron would eat him or he'd fall out a window later (the Charms window or the Transfiguration one?). 

Harry rested his elbows on his knees and chin in his palms. 

'So.' 

'Harry, I am by no means doubting you, but every Gryffindor in this tower - and even Dobby - can vouch for you're whereabouts?' 

'Yes!' 

Ron wore another look that clearly said 'liar'. But he kept silent and followed Hermione's lead in sitting on the sofa. Hermione watched him thoughtfully. After a while she turned to Ron, not explaining anything to Harry. 

A stab of annoyance twisted inside up but he forced it down. 

'A Polyjuice potion?' Hermione queried, oblivious to Harry's irritations. 

Ron snorted. 'If Harry wasn't _LYING_ I might have wondered _why_ Malfoy would take all that time in making a potion, _just_ to get at Harry! Dress Goyle up and then...! And then...' A sudden thought silenced Ron and he was subdued with a sickly green tinge to his face. 

'Yes… but I can't think of another reason. Maybe it's a Malfoy way of showing that he likes Harry!' 

Harry's eyes narrowed. 

'Explain it to me Hermione!' 

But Ron was soon shouting and Harry winced. 'Even he's not that **TWISTED**! Harry's _LYING!'_ The crimson color of his face increased magnificently and Harry could almost imagine steam coming out of the red heads ears. He shook himself awake. 

So before Harry could open his mouth and tell them how much he despised them at that very minute, the portrait hole flew open. 

Every head turned that way to check out the noise. It was Colin Creevy. Hermione groaned. 

'Hah!' Ron shouted. 'We have _proof!'_ Ron jumped up and Harry followed him along with Hermione, and waited a little until Ron emerged out of the crowd an uncharacteristically superior look on his face. 

The smug redhead handed them one of the many photo's Colin had been holding for all his life's worth before he was swallowed up by the crowd of students. 

Soon everyone of them had been distributed amongst the room and the crowd dispersed forming their own little gangs to look at who-knows-what! 

And many of the other people that had rushed in after Colin. 

'LOOK!' Ron shoved a moving photo under Harry's nose to give him a look. 

'It's really good lighting, huh, Harry?' Colin chirped cheerfully. 

Ron started shouting the loudest anyone had heard him, and poor Colin nearly fainted. 

On that paper was the most disturbing sight Harry ever thought he'd see. 

_No... They're lying... As if... Couldn't be...! I WOULDN'T!_

It pictured _HIM -_ would you believe! _ Harry Potter_ - ravishing _Draco Malfoy_ NO LESS! 

Harry shoved him against the wall, pinning him there and _kissing_ him with the most passionate hunger he'd ever seen! And Harry had caught a couple of scenes from those kinky shows Uncle Vernon watched when he thought every one was occupied. 

_I'm going to throw up…_

And what more, neither of them seemed to want it too end. 

_It's just a photo…_ Harry repeated over and over in his mind… _Just a photo…_

'Oh my God, Harry! You are positively _white!_ Oh, Ron. I really don't think Harry has anything to do with it!' 

_Just a photo... Just a photo..._

Indeed he was whiter than both Hermione and Ron put together, and his ebony hair contrasted beautifully with it in a strange way. 

But Ron's tuned out ranting was still going on full force. Harry groaned inwardly and screwed the photo up, shoving it away in his robes before anyone else could see it. A couple of people who had evidently been looking over his shoulder huffed away. 

Heat rose in Harry's cheeks. 

_IT IS JUST A BLOODY PHOTO! - Then why...? _ something argued. _ - IT'S A PHOTO DAMMIT!_

'…But MALFOY!' Ron was still shrieking. 'Okay! You're gay, so what? That was a shock! But it's _fine_! This Malfoy thing! That is the worst! The Famous Harry Potter could have _anyone_! But MALFOY!' 

'SHUT UP!' Harry yelled at Ron. He stopped in his pacing tracks. 'You don't know one fucking thing, WEASLEY!' 

And he stormed off to his dormitories. 

'Me?' Ron spluttered weakly. 'Hermione, did you _hear_ that?' 

'Yes I did, Ronald Weasley,' she told him crossly while the common room looked on silent and glassy eyed. 'And if I was Harry you'd be doubled over in pain right now. First of all, you are completely out of order to yell at Harry! What business is it of ours _who_ he wants to date, anyway?' 

'We're his friends!' Ron argued, compelled with outrage at this sudden unfairness. His hands were balled into fists, but Hermione had to put him in his place. The small crowd waited on tenterhooks. 

'That is exactly _why_ you acted so badly!' she hissed. 'You, as Harry's friend should support his decision to be with Mal - Mal - Draco whether you like it, or _not_!' 

The murmurs of an agreeing crowd did nothing but infuriate Ron. Especially when someone muttered 'plus Malfoy's _gorgeous_…'. 

'He didn't even tell us!' 

'How long did it take you to tell Harry that we were going out?' 

Ron shifted uncomfortably at this. 

'What?' Hermione asked sharply. 'Did you forget? It seemed to be on the lines of _three months_! Was it not?' 

'That's completely different! I actually _told_-' 

'You told him after you had one spiked Butterbeer too many!' 

'Hermione you forget he didn't catch us ravishing each other in the bloody hallways!' 

'Oh, I've had enough of this.' Hermione turned on her heel and flicked her bushy hair over her shoulder in an intimidating (at least to Ron) way and headed for the portrait hole. 'You apologise to the next time you see him, and I have some things that need taking care off.' 

a/n Well yeah. That's it. I've never read any stories with Harry-Draco doubles, so I'm hoping this idea hasn't been done to death?? If anyone cares, soon to follow are DracoDraco clashes and Draco2/Harry2 slash. So, if you like it, tell me and I'll write more. If you don't like it... well, I'll cry. That's right. I. Will. Cry. And well, yes. So, yeah. Reviews appreciated and welcomed. Um... ahem. *sob* 

WHO DID THAT??! 


	2. Mudblood, hey MUDBLOOD!

**Chapter 2**

And Hermione left the Gryffindor common room having said her bit, her logical mind working overdrive on the new situation. 

Harry _had_ been so sure he'd been in the common room all the time… though he had been rather good at hiding his emotions lately… This was so confusing… 

Hermione sighed, the picture had really thrown him… Maybe he thought he'd get away with it? - WHAT? With the giant crowd they attracted? 

Good luck! Still, Hermione had to admit Harry and Malfoy were both strikingly seventh years all the same… In fact, when she thought about it, it wasn't really that surprising. 

Okay, actually it was. 

Hermione pondered for a moment. Nope. Nothing came to her. And it was kind of annoying. I mean, the smartest student in her year and she wasn't able to figure it out… it really just made you want to set something on fire. 

And Hermione set off at a run towards Dumbledore's office. She didn't know why she hadn't thought of it before. Dumbledore was omniscient. 

"MUDBLOOD! Hey! Mudblood!' 

It was none other than a very pissed off looking Malfoy. She turned impatiently and came to a halt. 

"What is it, Malfoy?' she snapped. 

"Where's that dirty rotten piece of half-blood trash you call a hero?' Malfoy snarled viciously. "Off trying to incriminate some else?' 

"Oh, yes..." Hermione smiled superiorly - because _she_ knew what was going on, and the King of Cock didn't. "You weren't saying that just now," she taunted. "In fact you and Harry were barely coming up for air, let alone speaking." 

"You liar." 

"Liar, am I Malfoy? Half the castle and I?' She drew one of the many photos Colin had given her, and held it out to Malfoy. "You can keep it. I'm sure they're be _lots_ of copies flying around. Its magically enhanced to be smudge free, too. Just don't get it wet, it can't deal with water." 

_Everyone's a comedian,_ he thought dryly. _I'll remember to drown myself with it_. 

"Fuck off." 

And then she sprinted off to find the wise headmaster. 

"Filthy mudblood," he said under his breath, and chuckled to himself. 

_Fucking hell… that's not me at all. __I, Draco Malfoy would never touch… whatever Potter is. _

And **why** am I just standing there for Gods sake? Get some pride Malfoy! Who'd let Potter grab them in the bloody hallways and make out like there was no tomorrow. 

Well which respectable wizard anyway? 

Why do I even like it? Fucking hell! I mean **look** like I like it! Obviously. And fucking hell I don't mean **me**! Fuck I mean the person who looks **like** me! I really did. My ears aren't so pointy. Clearly. **Fucking** Clearly. 

*~*~*~* 

"Professor!' Hermione breathed when the Gargoyle had sprung away after multiple password callings, cursed the practicality of the office and burst through the doors. "Sorry… to… disturb… you..." 

Now they knew why she why she preferred spells to sprinting. Pant… Pant. 

_I think I'm going to die._

Pant. 

"It's no trouble, I assure you. I offer you a seat and a sherbet lemon while I deal with a matter at hand. Or is the something that has brought you here too urgent?' 

"Not… at all -' Hermione gasped again and almost fainted. Still she figured the problem could wait. 

Severus Snape was watching tight-lipped off to the sight glaring at two boys. Two boys she had seen earlier. And everyone who hadn't was incredible disappointed. What a way to brake into the new year. 

Once again, Hermione almost fainted. Harry was in Malfoy's lap, straddling his hips. What a strange thing to do with your enemy. And in front of the Headmaster and Potions Professor. 

Maybe she was going blind. 

"Hermione!' said Harry alarmed. "Are you okay?' he tried to get up but Malfoy only pulled him back down again and attempted to kiss him. 

"Not so fast, Potter," he drawled. 

"Stop that at once!' Snape scowled down at the two boys. He didn't favour Malfoy too much at the moment. 

Malfoy attempted an apologetic smile. I think. It didn't look very apologetic, but Malfoy gave it his all. _"Sorry Professor."_ His hot breath tickled Harry's lips, tempting them both. 

Hermione watched this with a sort of detached surprise. 

"Just… carry on, it can wait." 

"Right, Severus. What is the problem?' 

Snape looked at Hermione coldly, and adjusted his dark robes with importance in his movements. "As I was _saying_, these two students have been setting terrible examples as upper years." 

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled and he steepled his fingers. Snape looked on impatiently. 

"I saw that!' Snape growled, having noticed Harry try and sneak a kiss with Draco. He looked up innocently with wide green eyes. 

"What were they doing in the halls, Severus?' 

"Doing? Headmaster you have seen the performance here today!' 

"Indeed," Dumbledore smiled. "I was under the impression you were fed up by the constant everyday bickering." 

"I was! But this is _worse_!' 

"House unity!' Dumbledore beamed, and rose from his feet in silvery beard and vibrant robes. "What better?' 

"What better indeed," said Snape darkly. "I surely hope next time you're not going to suggest we award them points for vulgar making out-" the two boys snickered at that ("Snape said making out!") "-that I will let this time go. Keep you're hormones in check! Now return to you're dormitories out of my sight! Albus, I need a word." 

"You can't let them leave!' said Hermione shrilly. She rose from her seat, so only Harry and Malfoy were left sitting. "Of course!' 

She no longer felt like burning anything. 

Dumbledore's wild silver eyebrows rose. "Could this be the reason you have delighted me with you're appearance?' 

"Professor! I've just realised. That's not Harry - it can't be Harry, because _Harry_ is in the boys dormitories! And that's not Malfoy, I've already passed him!' 

"Hermione?' Harry asked, pushing Malfoy's arms of around his waste before the boy could react and took her by the shoulders. "Are you okay?' 

_Oh, those eyes… How could they __not_ be Harry's eyes? Am I wrong? Maybe it is them after all… Harry's beautiful eyes… his scar… the expression… the air about him… 

He rested his forehead against hers and said again, even softer, "are you okay?" 

She pulled away quickly like having been burnt. It must be some sort of evil that had come to KILL THEM ALL! 

She had to resist or she may get sucked in too! Hermione mentally batted away the echo of 'crazy girl' floating around her head and gathered all the logic she could muster. 

_Right, deep breath._

Harry looked hurt. _Look away, Hermione, look away._

Professor Snape and Dumbledore had been watching her antics curiously. A blush rose to her cheeks when she realised she'd been standing there limp as a lettuce trying to coach herself not to be sucked in by the evil. 

Hermione cleared her throat. "Professor Dumbledore." She thought back to her earlier inspiration. 

"Professor! _These_ are a replica of Harry and Malfoy's subconscious minds! I remember reading it somewhere… There was another case of this… back in 1977 -' 

"Yes miss Granger, we are all familiar with Hogwart's history," Snape cut in. "So you're saying that thank God Draco is not _really_ making out-" Harry and Draco snickered at that ("Snape said making out!") "-with Potter." 

Hermione glared at him. "I wouldn't be so cheerful, its got to have taken pretty strong magic on Harry's and Malfoy's subconscious part to have brought these two to life." Hermione jabbed a finger over her shoulder. 

"Strong indeed," Dumbledore smiled and his eyes flittered over to Draco and Harry resuming their "private affairs'. (Trying to chew each other's lips off). 

"Well how do we get the _imposters_ to go away?' 

"By all accounts, Severus. These are not impostors but part of a soul that has been dormant for who knows how long. But to get them to go away? They easy way would be to give Harry and Draco a smile push in the right direction. Or harder still, would be to convince them there is too much animosity for anything to happen." 

Snape spoke icily, "with no disrespect, headmaster, you seem to have mixed up the effort requirements. In fact Draco and Potter have been at each other throats enough lately to convince even that _one bean short of a Bag of Bertie Botts_ dim-witted Fudge." 

*.*

**Author's Notice**: I'm sorry I took so long in updating. I know I am an awful person, and I still did not manage to get both Harry and Draco to meet their other halves. If, that is, you are still interested in another chapter, I shall do my best to cram it in the next one, and I promise to get that one out quicker. (Usually Saturday nights). Otherwise... well, otherwise. 

THE END. 


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